I took my Maternity Leave on the first day of Feb. I was too bored because 2 wks have passed and Charles’ hasn’t come out yet. I felt tired of being pregnant for that 2 weeks. I have nothing to do but sleep, watch tv, eat and then sleep again. I was too lazy. Aside from having a big nose that time, I’ve already felt the numbness in my fingers and It’s too hard for me to get up in bed. (Imagine having a big tummy and trying to get up.) Anyway, on the 16th of Feb afternoon I ate halo-halo with my brother just a few blocks away from our house. Never thought that by 1 am of 17th I’d be on labor. Since I’ve been reading a lot about signs of giving birth and informed by my OB as well that if the contractions are 5 mins apart it means you’re in labor. So yes once I felt the pain I started counting the time and their intervals.(yes I wore a wrist watch in bed because I could be in labor anytime soon) The first five hours was tolerable. (if you’re asking too, yes I didn’t sleep. I need to monitor the time). So at 6:00 AM I took a bath because I’m very sure that I’m in true labor and will see Charles later that day. I also had my hospital bag ready. I only had a cup of Anmum hot chocolate. After that I told them that we should get into the hospital soon. We arrive there at 7:30 AM. I was checked to see if my cervix was dilated. And yes I’m 7cm when we arrived. Whoa! They we’re surprised I was dilated that far because they couldn’t see in my face yet that I was hurting. Oh mind you I’m just trying to be calm and strong as long as I can. But around 8AM I wasn’t relaxed anymore. I was shouting (a bit?) like, “Aaahhh aray!” , “Please please come out!”, “Epidural please!” Those are the only words I remember. So they do call the anesthesiologist. Too bad he’s too late. I was already 10cm when he arrived. My OB said, “That Epidural would cost you 15,000 and you’re giving birth any minute now. Do you still want it?” So I thought it would just be a waste of money because I’m already at 10cm. So I said no to Epidural, thoug it was really painful. Oh Lord the contractions minutes before Charles came out was the most painful thing I’ve felt in my entire life! He finally came out at 10:39 AM. When Charles came out it was all worth it. I never felt that happiness in my entire life. The pain and happiness in one day! It was so rewarding. I’m so proud of myself for making it without the painless birth. But hey, that would be the last painful birth! If there would be next time I’ll make it sure that the anesthesiologist would get there when I’m only dilated by 5 or 7cm.

I know I’m at fault for updating that particular News though going back on that day in my understanding it was right to update it. So to be sure I did put a note to check it on that same day I updated the News. I don’t think there’s negligence on my part. What I did is I took initiative on updating the News, which would’ve been checked right away knowing RNS do appear in the product instantly.

One of my immediate Manager talked to me on the 20th, the day they informed me about the error. I have informed her and emailed her about the note I put on that update. She never sided me even a bit. She told me that I have a very poor performance and even uttered, “ayusin mo trabaho mo.” She told me this is the second time. Yes, I admit that. Because the other one was committed last year and I did make up for it after that. There was a quarter when I was mentioned one among the 3 analysts who did a great job in RNS updates. She told me there are no clean slate in the company. That every time you commit a mistake it would be brought up to you over and over again though it was last year or last 2 years. I didn’t say a word about that remark. I was hurt for there are no second chances in this company. I told her maybe I couldn’t handle the bulk of other tasks given to me. That I couldn’t focus anymore doing a lot of processes and other tasks. She told me in this company we have to learn multi-task and that we’re working here like pilots. I said to myself what about the things you couldn’t handle anymore? Should we force ourselves and carry the burden? We are not allowed to make mistakes. I was even terrified when she told me that my global error could lead to grounds for termination. I was trying to hold back my tears that time but I couldn’t. I know feeling that way would cause trouble on my health, especially to the baby inside me. That was the first time I cried so hard in front of her. The first time I cried so hard since I got pregnant. I felt like I haven’t done anything good for the company. I felt humiliated and demoralized. I felt like all this years I’ve done everything for nothing. It was too unfair.

I also want to site the factor that they have appointed me to a new role which is the Acquisition Team but still do the responsibilities I’m previously doing. Being part of the Acquisition Team meant as a promotion. So I was delighted for the fact that I was chosen. I have put my knowledge and effort since the start of the training and though it affected the production I’ve been producing before accepting that role I still gave my best to perform well for the new role that was given to me. Late this year I was informed that I wouldn’t be able to get the increase meant for it. For the reason of not attaining Fully-Achieved in my OPM last year. It was again too unfair because I DID NOT APPLY for the role, they APPOINTED me. So the only deal they gave me is to attain Fully-Achieve in my OPM this year which I could only get the Increase next year, when all the while I’m already working on the new role’s responsibility. Again I’m doing everything for nothing. But then though it’s unfair on my part I have accepted the deal. I have tried my best to still do all the 5 different processes (S793, Disk and Baclites, Annual Report, RNS and the new role, acquiring of the reports). So to Fully-Achieved the OPM this year I have to meet the production volume and quality required and still do the new role appointed to me. I had a hard time meeting the quality of work. I have compared the brain like the stomach, where you could put everything on it but it could only digest enough. It was one of the factor why I was having a hard time coping up with the quality especially that I’m pregnant right now. That I could only take as much according to the capability of my brain and strength. I had to be in a bed rest last Friday after the Thursday incident because that night I felt a sudden abdominal pain. On the 28th I would be undergoing into an Admin Hearing which Joseph informed me Saturday afternoon. I have thought why this was sensationalized when we could talk and resolve this within the team. They haven’t thought of considering that I’m pregnant, that it would’ve been not reached the level of Admin Hearing where it could possibly cause too much stress on me. I felt bad for having to look up to these Immediate Managers where they should have helped me improve my quality, guide me as a teacher instead of pointing this in front of me that makes me feel humiliated. Isn’t a little consideration too much to ask? This shouldn’t came to a point where people who make mistakes should be ridiculed or just point fingers only to them.

I’m ready on the 28th, I’m ready to fight for my right and I’m even considering to seek advice from a Labor Lawyer which my family suggested. Wish me luck.

After reading that, sobra yung galit na naramdaman ko. All this time siya pa may gana magsabi ng ganyan? I never obliged him of his responsibility as a father of my baby but I was hoping that he would own up his responsibilities kahit na hindi kami. At least be man enough. Sinolo ko ang reponsibilidad tapos ako pa ang palalabasin na masama? Shame on you! Nakakahiya sa baby ko na ang tatay niya eh walang kasing kapal ng mukha. Para maligtas siya sa responsibilidad ikininakalat niya sa mga tao na hindi sa kanya ang baby ko. Anong klaseng lalake yan? Di bale naniniwala ako sa power ng karma at sana bilisan niya.

I’m 7 weeks pregnant.

I went to Makati Med the day I took the pregnancy test. I went there with my 2 sisters. They informed me that I’m pregnant and that I should take the ultrasound asap to know the baby’s heartbeat. The next two days I was in Manila Adventist Hospital to take the ultrasound and various blood tests. The moment I saw the baby’s heartbeat is something I could not explain. The doctor said the baby’s heart rate is 126 bpm. Which is twice of a person’s normal heart rate. I’m just so grateful that the baby is real. That I’m becoming a mother in 9 months time. And since that day I know that I love him/her already.

I’m proud to say that I chose to be a single mom. I already informed Will about it and he can’t answer if he can support the baby financially. I’ve decided not to talk much about him for now. I’m not allowed to get mad. I’m just happy that my family and (some) friends supports and believes me. I’m excited and a bit nervous for the new life that I’m taking. But hearing my loved ones say that “We’ll be with you in your journey” is something that makes me so happy and teary-eyed as well. I’m so much excited to meet him/her on February. I’m now ready to take this challenge. And also ready to be judged or accepted.

Don’t worry friends as what I’m always saying, “I’m more than okay.”

to give up everything even if you still wanted to try….”

I think that’s a perfect example of being stubborn.